Just had to take three flights in less than a week. The experience reinforced why I'd rather drive three thousand miles pulling a large fifth wheel rather than take a 5-hour flight and stay at a fancy hotel.

First flight:

1. Carry-on got pulled for inspection. Almost always does for some reason. There's never one thing in there that is outside the rules but I must be on some secret list: "if you see this woman going through security, make sure you paw through her dainty unmentionables." Believe it or not, a roll of Tums seemed to be the guilty party.

2. Got my first frisking. My sin: I had on a top that zipped up the front. Apparently, there was a good possibility I was hiding Osama Bin Laden in my cleavage. I certainly don't claim to be model-thin, but I can't figure what else I might have been supposedly hiding in there. You know, when someone has their hands on certain areas of my body, I usually expect dinner and drinks first. Luckily, wasn't invited to participate in the Nude-O-Gram. Good thing.....my "dainty unmentionables" weren't all that dainty.

3. Got to play "gate tag". Now boarding at Gate A-1.....whoops, make that B-12......nope, let's give A-15 a chance.


Second flight:

1. Had picked a nice window seat in the 3rd row. Got there to find two "Persons of Size" (airline jargon, not mine..) seated in the aisle seat and the window seat. Apparently the P.O.S. in the window seat had a boarding pass for the middle seat. Was told brusquely by the person (of size) in the aisle that I needed to go sit somewhere else as her husband WASN'T MOVING. Didn't want to push the issue as I certainly didn't want to be between the two of them and the window. Flight attendant thanked me for cooperating and found me a nice aisle seat in the back of the plane.

2. Flight left on time and got in on time, but of course, there wasn't a slot open so we got to sit for a half hour on the runway to rectify the oversight.

Third flight:

1. No Tums in carry-on and someone obviously didn't check the list, so I got through security with neither my dainties nor my body being pawed.

2. Plane left three hours late so spent four hours sitting in the airport (I could have driven home in six hours). Frequent announcements that we'd be boarding "shortly" got real old, real fast (why in heavens name do they have to lie to us? They know DARN WELL that plane isn't going anywhere anytime soon...especially as it wasn't even there yet!)

3. Someone in my aisle seat. Asked if I'd mind sitting in the middle seat as "she likes to sit on the aisle". Told her yes I would very much mind sitting in the middle seat....NOW GET OUT OF MY SEAT! Passenger now in the middle seat sulks the whole flight.

3. Had to gate-check carry-on after dragging it around for four hours. Not brought to me at the door as promised.....had to wait at baggage carousel.

Remember when air travel used to be fun and exciting? Me neither.

This story was a good one and all to true. Happy I spend large part of my working life on airlines as well but before the TSA was around. Now I hate to fly anyplace if we can get out of it. We have turn down trips overseas due to all the crap air lines and TSA has set up now. If you think it is bad here in USA, travel down to South American. We do have two trips this year by air and I hope we do not have problems but I doubt it.

Back in the early 70's I had the whole US for a territory so I flew a lot. This was even before metal detectors and you just got a boarding pass and wandered on the plane and took a seat. I can't remember the last time I flew somewhere. My thinking is if it is less than 300 miles why bother. It will take probably an hour to get to the airport, you need to be there an hour early, it is a two hour flight, it will take 30 minutes to get your luggage where you are going and probably an our to your final destination. That is five and a half hours complete with frustrations when it could have been drive in a little over four hours.

I do remember as I was a pilot.That would be a funny story if not so true.

Now I have not flow in 15 years.No place I need to get to that fast.And as said unless going over a eight hour drive not worth the hassle any way.I know some have to fly with there jobs and such.But being retired we just hook up the little trailer and don`t even take the interstate most of the time.It is amazing what you see taking the old US Hi-Ways across the country.